Often lead to disappointment
It seems like a no brainer. You are going through a trial in your life, a really tough period. You are struggling and fragile. You need love and support now more than ever. You turn around expecting that love and support from those who are closest to you and you find that the person you were expecting to be there… just isn’t.
This hurts. It hurts really, really deeply. There’s not much worse than being hurt when you’re already hurting! How could this person not see it, not get it?! How could they know all that you are going through and not reach out, or worse, why are they picking this time of all times to turn their back?!!!!
- They really DON’T get it.
I am so guilty of just expecting friends and loved ones to get me, to get it, and to provide the support and love I need without me having to say a word. They should just know, right? Nope, not really. No one knows what’s going on in your head but you. They may know about your circumstances, but they don’t know what you are experiencing emotionally, they don’t know what you need. Not everyone is intuitive. You might be surprised at what can come out of a real conversation where you let that person into your thoughts and emotions. If this is a person that you know loves you and a relationship that you value, it’s worth reaching out.
We are focused on ourselves. This is just the truth. Understandably, you are wrapped up in your experience and pain. Is it possible that the person you are expecting support from is experiencing his or her own trauma right now? Could they be focused on something that they are hurting and stressed about? If so they may be avoiding you because they don’t want to add their drama to yours, or they just may very well be consumed by what they are going through.
- We aren’t the amazing, super hero friends we think we are
Do you say to yourself “but I’m always there for him/her. When he/she was going through that tough time, I was RIGHT THERE!” Most likely that person had a couple times where they felt like you weren’t there for them, or where you weren’t there for them in the way that they were hoping you would be. This is the reality of human relationships, they are imperfect! Communication and honesty are key. If the relationship is real and worth it, tell them that you felt they let you down, and be open and prepared to hear about when you might have unknowingly done the same.
- Time to say goodbye
Sometimes you discover that someone is not capable of being there for you in the way that you deserve. Maybe they are too selfish. Maybe they don’t really care about what you are going through, or about you period. Maybe they are choosing this trying time in your life to subliminally (or not so subliminally) kick you when you are down.
Some people are miserable and want to make you miserable too.
Some people are eternally needy and self centered. They won’t ever give what they seem to need and take so often.
Perhaps this relationship has been unhealthy and toxic for a while and it’s time to acknowledge it.
This could be a friend, this could be a relative. It doesn’t make a difference who it is, if a relationship is unhealthy for you, it needs to end.
Tough times like this are great for shining a flashlight on those in your life who really shouldn’t be in it. It feels absolutely terrible to have this kind of realization when you are at your most vulnerable. Although the timing sucks majorly, understand that this is a blessing. The revelation of that person’s character and the true nature of the relationship is a gift that will allow you to free yourself from a negative situation. Accept that this person is not good for you, and cut the relationship off. In your time of need, reach out to those who truly care for you.
And never forget the importance of loving and supporting yourself. Sometimes the person who can take the best care of you, is you.